Congratulations President-Elect Obama!

Palin raps (almost)

Twins!

OMG! A video clip that is NOT Sarah Palin!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

VP Debate

Palin interviewed by Couric

Which is scarier?

That Obama is half cloth/half human...


...or that the person that made this sign gets to vote.

One trick pony

Palin & Clinton

SNL this election season is going to be FUN!

I Picked A Girl by John McCain and Sarah Palin

This guy would SOOOO get a ticket in Washington for this...

Who is more traumatized?

One LUCKY driver

Narrowly avoided a horrible death in this one...

People will try and sell anything

And 3 people took the phone number!!

New blog in the blogroll

I stumbled across this hilarious blog called Cake Wrecks. It is full of hysterical "professionally" done cakes. Check it out!

Here are some of my favorite samples:

Texting while driving

This guy would SOOOO get a ticket here in Washington.

Rough couple of weeks

I haven't been on much recently, since there has been a lot of changes at TuneCo. A couple weeks ago there were a bunch of layoffs, about 20% of my co-workers are gone. The rest of us are kind of wandering around wondering if there are more to come, and I'd say that at least 90% of them are actively looking to jump ship. It doesn't help when you have VP level management who has been quoted as saying to most of them, on more than one occasion, "You are replacable".

Luckily, my group has never heard words like that, I had a great boss. It's just too bad that he felt the need to leave the company about a month ago. I keep hoping that he will call me up one of these days from his new company and steal me away to work for him again.

Today's ridiculous news article

Groom charged with being too near bride at wedding

BATAVIA, N.Y. -- A New York state man has been arrested for getting too close to his bride on their wedding day.

Police say Timothy Cole quarreled with a wedding guest at a party Friday after wedding his ex-wife in Batavia (buh-TAY'-vee-uh).

Officers knew the 45-year-old Cole from previous arrests and realized his bride had an order of protection against him. Cole was charged with first-degree criminal contempt, a felony, and ordered jailed without bail.

The Daily News in Batavia says Cole was convicted of criminal contempt on July 1.

The Genesee County public defender's office says Cole hasn't been assigned an attorney.

What the hell?! I want to talk to the bride! If you feel the need to get a protection order against someone, what in the world are you doing marrying them???

I may have to leave the country...

This article is SOOOO ridiculous, that if this tool actually gets a day in court or ANY kind of settlement, it's time to leave the country. This crap has gotten waaaaaaaay out of hand.

Man sues Tenn. church over spiritual fall

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. -- A man says he was so consumed by the spirit of God that he fell and hit his head while worshipping.

Now he wants Lakewind Church to pay $2.5 million for medical bills, lost income, and pain and suffering.

Matt Lincoln says he is suing after the church's insurance company denied his claim for medical bills.

The 57-year-old has had two surgeries since the June 2007 injury but still feels pain in his back and legs.

He says he was asking God to have "a real experience" while praying.

Lincoln says he has fallen from the force of the spirit before but has always been caught by someone.

Lawyers for the church say other congregants saw him on the floor laughing after his fall. They say he failed to look out for his own safety.

Kinky like he is???

Mascot Bloopers

Be careful around elephants!

some things you can only do with a pet...

Those crazy Canadians...love it! :)

Money troubles

Puppy!!!

I want one of these SOOOO bad. Nemo would be mad for a while, but how can you not love a critter like this?

Soup of the day

Ouch!

But the real question is, "Why???"

Men can get tickets for going topless now?

Man gets ticket for going topless in public

EASTON, Md. -- For only the third time in five years, Easton police have ticketed someone for going topless in public. Sean Cephus, 18, was cited June 4 when police say he was spotted without a shirt on South Street near Hanson Street. He was also cited for failing to obey a lawful order to stop for police.

A town ordinance adopted in 1974 forbids anyone from going topless in public buildings or on public streets and sidewalks. Possible penalties are a fine of up to $100 and up to 10 days in jail.

Easton Police Lt. Gregory Wright said people without shirts are considered a public nuisance. He said three citations have been issued since 2003.

Continental's doing things right

In this era of companies who screw over customers, employees, shareholders, anybody they can, it is refreshing to see leadership of a major company step up and take one for the team.

Too many times the CEO will sit back, slash thousands if not tens of thousands of jobs, while continuing to be rewarded by the Board of Directors with an already excessive salary package. Not this time...

Continental Airlines Inc. said Thursday it is cutting 3,000 jobs and reducing capacity in the fourth quarter by 11 percent, citing record fuel costs that have pushed the airline industry into a "crisis."

The company also said Chairman and Chief Executive Lawrence Kellner and President Jeff Smisek will not take salaries or incentive pay for the rest of the year.

The job cuts represent about 6.5 percent of the company's work force of 45,000.

Houston-based Continental said it will begin pulling back on flights in September, when departures on its mainline operations will be about 16 percent below the numbers of September 2007. For the year, capacity will fall 11 percent.

CEO Kellner will give up part of a hefty compensation package. In 2007, his salary was $712,500, according to a filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Kellner got a $3.3 million incentive payment, stock and options grants that the company valued at nearly $1.94 million when they were issued in February 2007, and $45,196 in other compensation.

It's things like this that make me like Continental Airlines, and if they actually served more cities out of Seattle, I would definitely fly them. They just don't fly where I want/need to go.

Brazenly borrowed from Paradise Driver.

Time Warp!

Free guns!

This is almost as bad as the bank in Illinois that was giving away guns when you opened a new bank account a few years ago.

Guns to go: Missouri car dealer offers something extra

BUTLER, Mo. -- Salesmen at one Missouri car dealership aren't just kicking in a free CD player or factory air: They're offering a free handgun with every purchase.

Through the end of the month, car buyers at Max Motors in Butler will have a choice - $250 toward either a gun purchase or gasoline.

General manager Walter Moore said that so far, most buyers have chosen the gun, adding that he suggests they opt for a semiautomatic model "because it holds more rounds."

(In the fine print, the ad on the Web site explains, "Check written toward purchase price" and also mentions, "Approved Background Check REQUIRED!!")

Moore said he suspects his "Free Handgun" ad will draw protests in some places. But not in Butler, about 65 miles south of Kansas City.

Moore said, "Down here, we all believe in God, guts and guns."

Naked pilot, flight attendant...

Since I'm a big fan of pilot activities, I have to share funny aviation-ish stories..

Naked pilot, flight attendant arrested in woods

HARRISBURG, Pa. -- An airline pilot was found hiding behind a shed wearing only flip-flops and a wristwatch as a nighttime romp in the woods with a flight attendant ended with both under arrest, police said.

Jeffrey Paul Bradford, 24, and Adrianna Grace Connor, 24, both employees of Pinnacle Airlines Inc., were at a diner on the outskirts of Harrisburg on Sunday night before they apparently decided to walk into the woods, police said.

"They told the officer they wanted to go do it in the woods, essentially," said Lower Swatara Township police Sgt. Richard Brandt. "That's the best answer they had."

The two somehow became separated, and people who live in the neighborhood summoned police around 9:30 p.m., saying they had seen a naked man and an intoxicated woman.

A helicopter with heat-seeking equipment was called in, and Bradford was discovered hiding behind a shed shortly before midnight.

Bradford, of Pittsburgh, was charged with indecent exposure, public drunkenness and other offenses. Connor, of Belleville, Mich., was charged with theft from a motor vehicle, public drunkenness and other offenses; police said she took a flashlight from a neighbor's vehicle.

A spokesman for the Memphis, Tenn., airline said the two were suspended while the company investigates.

I'm back!

My faithful readers (all 3 of you) may have noticed a sparse publishing rate over the last couple of weeks. I've been kind of down in the dumps the last week or two, and didn't really have anybody to talk about it with. Those 'friends' that I would have talked things over with weren't very receptive, which added to the problem.

But, over the weekend I seem to have snapped myself out of my funk, I'm a little cheerier, and now can get back to finding and posting random, humorous tidbits from our crazy world.

And if this new job that I'm going for materializes, I'll definitely be 100% back to normal!

TMI - those silly Yanks

This is my kind of cat.

He even looks a little bit like Nemo too, just not as much white fur.

Nope, still illegal

Today, the constitutionality of a recently passed law outlawing Internet gambling was upheld in King County, Washington. The brilliant lawmakers in Olympia decided a couple of years ago to make the placing of a bet online a Class C Felony, yes I said Felony. People convicted of felonies in this country lose all kinds of civil rights, not the least of which is the right to vote.

For playing a card game...in the privacy of their home...

Let's look at some other crimes, and their associated maximum penalties.

not more than 90 days
Possession of Marijuana (less than 40 grams)
Willful or reckless killing of a pet animal
Spitting on a public bus

not more than 1 year
DUI - 1st offense
DUI - 2nd offense
Acting as a drawbridge tender while intoxicated
Leaving children unattended in a parked automobile

not more than 5 years
Possession of Marijuana (more than 40 grams)
Gambling on the internet
Distribution of child pornography
Knowingly cause or aid someone to commit suicide

not more than 10 years
Possession of child pornography (somehow owning it is worse than distributing it???)

I could go on and on, but it's completely ridiculous. The guy down the street could go on a couple of benders, drive himself home while rolling a joint, run over a couple neighborhood dogs, and leave his kids in the car while he goes into a strip club, and he'll get a more lenient sentence than someone who plays a single hand of poker online could potentially receive. Ridiculous.

Video Interpretation: Christina Aguilera-Ain't No Other Man

Thanks to Claytonbarrel for finding this!

Flight Simulator Pilot Comedy

Pilots

Aviatrix had this over on her blog, and I just had to put it on mine as well.

MadTv No Frills Airlines

This is totally where we're going if fuel prices keep climbing...

"Presidential" Behavior

Condom commercial

Hard work = underachiever

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


But,


A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%


And,


B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%


AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.


A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%


So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Where do I begin?

This is a short little article, yet I'm not even sure where to start.

Bingo at McDonalds???

Blaming a car accident on the brand of shoes???


Woman, 90, disrupts bingo at McDonald's

INDIANAPOLIS -- A 90-year-old woman accidentally backed into a McDonald's restaurant, disrupting a bingo game and sending a couple to the hospital with minor injuries.

Lois Weber told police one of her tennis shoes became stuck under the gas pedal on her 2004 Cadillac, causing her to lose control and back into the restaurant Wednesday. She said she recently changed shoe brands and was not used to the wider fit.

No tickets were issued. Weber, who has a valid driver's license, was able to drive her car home.

Police said the car crashed into a wall and window of the restaurant in the Broad Ripple neighborhood on the north side of the city. The car pushed John Atkinson, 80, and his wife Beverly, 75, both of Indianapolis, who were playing bingo.

The couple suffered cuts on their hands from broken glass.

30 MPH Speed Limit on the freeway??

I'll be shocked if this actually works.

I-5 speed limits could be reduced in Seattle

SEATTLE - The speed limit on a six-mile stretch of I-5 in Seattle will change several times a day when the Transportation Department installs new overhead electronic signs.

The department says variable speed control should help traffic flow more smoothly and prevent rear-end collisions.

Four signs will be installed in the northbound lanes next year between Boeing Field and I-90.

Drivers near the airport might be held to 30 mph or 40 mph to reduce the chance of them running into stop-and-go traffic downtown.

A DOT project manager, Carol Hunter, says the $25 million project is one of the programs meant to relieve congestion during the removal of the Alaskan Way Viaduct in Seattle.

Howard Dean Part 2?

Fun Hillary pics

Today started off crappy

Today should have been a good day. The snow finally seems to be over for the winter, the Mariners won last night, and I have tickets for tonight's game.

And I had to go ruin everything by getting into an accident this morning. Crap!

I didn't get stopped soon enough at a light near my office, and rear-ended the guy in front of me. We pulled over and got out of our cars. Turns out that the guy I hit is a midget...oh sorry, 'little person'.

He walks to the back of his car to survey the damage and says to me "I am not happy!". I said, "Oh really, which one are you then?"

:)

Darwin Award Nominee #5

David, 46, was sliding down an Italian ski slope one night, riding on padding that he had removed from the safety barriers at the bottom of the run. It did not occur to him that it might be dangerous to sled down the same slope he had stripped of protective padding.

Sauze d'Oulx is one of five villages which make up the "Milky Way" ski area in northern Italy. Hugely popular with British skiers, the resort is known for its party atmosphere. A ski resort spokesperson for Sauze d'Oulx said, "The men had all been drinking when they tore off the padding, and ironically..."

...careened straight into the bare barriers at the bottom of the piste (groomed slope). David died from head and chest injuries inflicted by the unpadded metal. Two of his friends survived with medical attention. A third Darwin Award candidate is still missing after he wandered away "bloodied and distressed."

Darwin Award Nominee #4

A 23 year old man with various body piercings decided to see what it would feel like to connect his workplace test equipment to his chest piercings. Several co-workers tried to convince him that it was a bad idea to connect himself to the electronic control tester. He ignored their pleas and proceeded to connect two alligator clips to his piercings. He hit the test button...

When the police and rescue personnel arrived, his co-workers were stiill trying to revive him with CPR and rescue breathing. They were not successful.

Darwin Award Nominee #3

It was a cold but sunny February afternoon. Lidia, a biology teacher from Sofia, was driving home from a memorial service, accompanied by her husband and a friend. Suddenly, the vehicle stopped. Bystanders saw all three occupants dash from the car to a nearby manhole, and start pouring down liquids and powders from various bottles and jars.

Apparently, Lidia had been doing chemistry experiments in her free time, and had some noxious chemicals left over. It is still not entirely clear what the chemicals were, but two of the bottles had labels: diethyl ether and methanol, both highly flammable substances. The former is also used as a sedative, so one explanation for their actions is that they felt dizzy from the ether vapors, and thought it was a good idea to pour them in the sewer.

As it turns out, a good idea it definitely was not. The cocktail of flammable substances in the enclosed space of the sewer caused an explosion so powerful that it launched the manhole cover into the air, decapitating the (briefly) surprised Lidia. Left without a head on her shoulders, she decided it was time to kick the bucket.

The other two people were not left unharmed, but were alive. They were taken to the hospital with burns on their faces. After several hours in the operating room, it appeared unlikely that they will regain their eyesight, but hopefully are able to speak well enough to tell their children that tossing random chemicals down the drain is not as wise as it might at first appear.

Darwin Award Nominee #2

Snowmobiles and alcohol are a dangerous mix. Then came the rabbit.

After a day spent partying and racing snowmobiles in the wilderness, a group of snowmobilers headed back to their cabin. Up popped a jackrabbit! The snowmobilers gave chase. Several collisions were narrowly averted, and all snowmobiles backed off... except one.

This snowmobiler kept his eye on the quarry and rapidly closed in. The rabbit darted aside to save itself. The snowmobiler closed in again. The rabbit ran toward the road, where there was less snow. Trying to ram his rabbit before it crossed the road, the man accelerated to Mach 1. But the rabbit had other ideas. It escaped into the culvert beneath the road.

Witnesses stated that the snowmobiler never braked. There was a metallic crunch as the accelerating vehicle rammed into the culvert, followed by a blast that shattered the snowmobile into a thousand bits.

This brand of snowmobile had a fuel tank mounted in front. The culvert admitted the tip of the snowmobile, then cut into the cowling, spilling fuel over the hot engine. The body of the snowmobiler was blown twenty feet back into the field.

The rabbit's whereabouts was unknown.

Darwin Award Nominee #1

Today we begin a short series on Darwin Award nominees.

Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.

(2 February 2008, New York) A 50-year-old man was bird hunting in Upstate New York with his buddies and his faithful canine companion. They stopped for a smoke, and he noticed that his dog had found a bone. It was a deer leg! The man tried to take the bone away from the dog. Like any right thinking dog, the animal would not relinquish its treasure, and stayed just out of reach.

Frustrated with this blatant show of disobedience, the man grabbed his loaded shotgun by the muzzle and began wielding it like a club. Each time he swung it, the dog dodged. Suddenly the "club" struck the ground and fired, shooting the man in the abdomen. His friends called 911 and he was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where he died from his injuries.

He did remain conscious long enough to confirm this account to police; otherwise, his poor friends might now be under suspicion of murder.

At least he didn't hit the dog!

Phobias

This is entertaining list of phobias. Some I've heard of (or even seem to suffer from), but others are just plain ridiculous!

www.phobialist.com


Some of the more ridiculous ones:

Apeirophobia - Fear of infinity

Aulophobia - Fear of flutes

Barophobia - Fear of gravity

Consecotaleophobia - Fear of chopsticks

Dextrophobia - Fear of objects at the right side of the body

Dishabiliophobia - Fear of undressing in front of someone

Geniophobia - Fear of chins

Genophobia - Fear of sex
Why even bother with living?

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - Fear of long words

Ithyphallophobia - Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis
This would be a real problem for the males of the world.

Oneirogmophobia - Fear of wet dreams
This would be a real problem for someone also suffering from Genophobia.

Papaphobia - Fear of the Pope
This is me, not going there...

Cheesetosser!!

This just about sums me up today.

Antigua gambling update

You may recall that a couple months ago I excitedly reported on the results of the Antigua WTO action against the United States for banning Internet Gambling. The island nation of Antigua and Barbuda won $21 Million in annual concessions from the US, and surprise surprise, the US has yet to begin making good on that ruling.

Antigua Ready To Move Forward With Piracy Over Internet Gambling

Antigua keeps receiving favorable rulings over an Internet gambling issue with the United States. The only problem is the U.S. is ignoring the rulings and refusing to pay Antigua.

Call it a ploy. Call it a negotiating tactic. Whatever you want to call it, the reality is that Antigua is now ready to legalize piracy in order to show the United States they mean business.

"Antigua would be breaking the law if it did that," said USTR spokesman, Sean Spicer. The problem is that the U.S. does not take these threats from Antigua seriously, something the Motion Picture Association of America is worried about.

The association is concerned that copying could be devastating. They are also worried that other countries will follow the lead of Antigua if the U.S. continues their unilateral views in their foreign trade policy.

Antigua simply wants the U.S. to come up with a fair solution to the ongoing battle over the Internet gambling issue. "We have been waiting for three months already and there's been nothing. If the U.S. doesn't come in with something by the end of March, my suggestion to the Antiguan government will be to forge ahead and impose IP sanctions," said Mark Mendel, representing Antigua.

Only time will tell whether Antigua's threats are real. Knowing the U.S. and the current administration that is governing the country, chances are they will not respond to any of Antigua's threats until it is too late.

Easter Bunny

I've always wondered what the heck bunny rabbits and a basket of eggs had to do with Easter. This explanation seems as good as any.

---

Celebrating the Seasons
Lore and Rituals by Selena Fox


Spring Equinox

Spring Equinox, also known as Ostara, occurs in the middle of March. It marks the beginning of Spring and the time when days and nights are of equal length. The Goddess manifests as Ostara or Eostre with her basket of eggs. She is accompanied by the Hare or Rabbit, a manifestation of the God. Green has been sacred to this Sabbat since ancient times, because it represents the greening of the land with vegetation. This is a festival of new growth.

Prepare egg dishes and share them with friends. Organize egg games, such as egg hunts. Decorate your home with spring flowers and sprouting greens. Wear green clothing as an affirmation of new growth within yourself and Nature. Bless any seeds you plan to plant in your garden. Begin a new project. Make a growth charm out of a hard-boiled egg -- decorate it with symbols, write on it the quality you would like to manifest more fully within yourself, energize it, and then eat it.

Thriller kitty

Peep show

3am phone call

New Mariners ads for 2008

In my opinion, not as strong as previous years, but still pretty entertaining.

Tim Gunn Network

What would it be like if Tim Gunn had his own television network?

SNL Parody - Democratic Debate

Project Runway winner - Christian - SNL Parody

What if you held an election, and nobody came?

It's happened. And surprise, surprise, it's in that bastion of election oddities, Florida.

TAMARAC, Fla. -- Every vote counts. But what happens when there are no votes at all? That's the situation city officials in Tamarac are facing. No voters showed up Wednesday night to cast a ballot in an annexation referendum for an unincorporated Broward County community.

There are 68 registered voters in the 200-person Prospect Bend neighborhood. Tamarac officials have proposed annexing the neighborhood.

Details were mailed to registered voters. If just one voter had shown up, that one vote would have decided the neighborhood's fate.

The cost of keeping a polling site open for 12 hours with no voters: $2,500.

City officials could take another approach to annexing the area. One option is a mail-in ballot election.

How lazy have we gotten?

Pancakes in a can.

Like it's SOOOOO difficult to take your Krustez or some such pre-mixed pancake batter, add water, and stir. The most time consuming part about making pancakes is getting the griddle or frying pan hot enough to cook the pancake properly.

I weep for our future...

SAN FRANCISCO — You want pancakes, but the idea of adding water to powder and stirring it around just seems like too much effort. Enter Batter Blaster, the pancake you just point and spray.

Gastronomic genius? Or sign of the apocalypse?

It all depends on how you feel about really fast food.

The contents are pressurized and the can has a nozzle similar to a whipped-cream can, which can unleash artistic aspirations in the way of animal, geometric and letter-shaped pancakes.

Preparation: Shake the can firmly before spraying.

Clean up: Rinse the nozzle under running water after using.

The product, which is organic, comes more than a century after the launch of the first convenience pancake product, a powdered mix that eventually would be called Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix.

And Batter Blaster begs comparison to other ultra-convenience foods, such as Easy Cheese, and Reddi-Wip, the ubiquitous canned whipped cream.

Some flip for the pray-and-bake breakfasts.

"They're fantastic," says Keith Bussell, a Los Angeles software developer who picked up a can of Batter Blaster on a lark and was won over by the ease of making just one or two pancakes sans stirring. "It's not an approximation of pancakes. They're really good pancakes," he said.

Others don't.

"That is just wrong on SO MANY LEVELS!" Oakland accountant Beth Terry wrote in her blog review of the Batter Blaster.

In a phone interview, Terry said her big issue with the product, which she has no plans to try, is that it comes in a can, which she said takes an energy and resource toll even though it is recyclable. "It's not even necessarily about slow food," she said. "Pancakes are not slow."

Steck says the idea is to provide convenience "but it's also about being with a group, being with family. It's not the end of the world. It's just a better world, I think."

A single can, which makes more than two dozen 4-inch pancakes, sells for about $6.

The product is the brainchild of Sean O'Connor, a former restaurateur who was looking for a brisker breakfast and realized it wouldn't be that hard to put pancake ingredients in a can.

He was right. The tough part turned out to be squeezing cash out of investors, many of whom found the idea too out-there.

Hookers aren't trustworthy? I'm shocked!

Somebody's a few fries short of a Happy Meal...

Man reports "theft by escort" to police

A Seattle man who hired an escort to "have fun" told police that she stole $170 from him after she went to her car to fetch some condoms.

The man, who is in his 50s and lives on Whitman Avenue North near Lake Union, had called the escort after spotting an advertisement in the Feb. 21 edition of The Stranger, a police report filed Thursday said.

The woman arrived at his apartment late last month for the rendezvous. He agreed to pay her $150 to "have fun" and $20 to cover her gas.

"At some point into the fun," the woman asked the man whether he had condoms, according to the report.

Upon hearing that he did not, she said she would get some from her car.

As the man waited for her to return, he looked out his window and realized the escort was driving away in a silver car.

Since that night, he has called her "numerous times" to get his money back. "But she has not answered or returned his calls," the report said.

The police officer who took the report told the man it is against the law in Seattle and the state of Washington to pay someone for sex.

But the man wanted to file a police report in case the woman "was doing this to more of her customers."

This is why we love Tim Gunn...

Now that Project Runway Season 4 is behind us, Tim Gunn can focus on his other little show, Tim Gunn's Guide to Style. It doesn't interest me at all, even though I'm into most things 'Reality TV', but this article amused me.

Taken from an interview in the Chicago Tribune:

Besides the nature of the series, he says that the production of the show was also problematic. “There’s nothing about it [Runway] that’s even remotely contrived. ‘Guide to Style’ was more what I think it would be like to do scripted television, but we didn’t have a script,” he said. The fakeness so irritated him that one day, when the director kept insisting upon reshoots, Tim freaked out. Here’s the hysterical story about his “diva moment”:

“So we have a new director, and it’s Episode 6. This new director calls out from the production room, ‘Um, could we do that again and see a little less of the book [Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style, which Tim gave to contestants at the end of the show]?’ So I said, ‘Yeah.’ We did it again. He says, ‘No, I’m still seeing too much of the book.’ I said, ‘Whats your issue with the book?’ And he said, ‘It just feels like a little too much self-promotion.’

I paused, and then I said, ‘Self-promotion? This show is based on this book.’ He said, ‘Well, I just want to see a little less of it.’ So we do it again, and he said, ‘No, I’m still seeing too much of the book.’ So I said, ‘I can take care of that.’

I take the book, I walk through the set that is my office, I walk into the dressing room, where there is a window, and I throw the book out the window. I come back to my place on the set, and I say, ‘You don’t have to worry about seeing the book again.’

The crew and everyone is slackjawed. So then I say, because I’m on a roll at this point, ‘Oh my gosh, I see more of those dreadful books on the bookshelf!’ So I go over, I gather all the books up, I walk through the set, through the dressing room and throw all of them out the window. Then I return to my place on the set. So that’s my one diva moment [laughs].”

Just think if there were chocolate at the finish line...

Women dash for cash in stiletto heels

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands -- Like a herd of antelope, jockeying and shoving for position, 150 young women raced down Amsterdam's most famed fashion street in stiletto heels Thursday, racing for a $15,000 prize.

The race on the P.C. Hooft street called the "Stiletto Run" is only three years old but has quickly grown in popularity and spawned imitation races in Germany, Sweden, Poland and Russia.

The race's motto is "Shopping is a Sport" and friendly competition is encouraged - though not always observed.

"At the start there was a lot of pushing, you really get elbowed over," said Fauve Stukje, 18, who came with a small entourage and a big pink sign - but failed to win, show or place.

She said she slightly regretted her choice of shoes, which were nearly 4 inches high - a little higher than the 3 1/2 inch minimum.

Tamara Ruben, 25, from the town of Veenendaal, claimed first prize in the 380-yard race, running so smoothly you might think she was wearing sneakers.

Asked how she would spend the money, she said: "Anything but high heels."

RuPaul's Jack in the Box Commercial

Vote For Pedro!

I didn't like the movie, but this scene did make me laugh.

Saturday Night Live - Shmits Gay

I about peed my pants laughing the first time I saw this, back in college.

Anna Nicole Smurfette

Conservative banks should be more careful...

...about where their advertising ends up.

Deja Vu is one of our local strip clubs.

They wouldn't hurt a fly!

Dogs trap mail carrier, flatten tires

HANOVER, Pa. -- A mail carrier was trapped inside her car for nearly two hours at a home near Hanover after a pair of dogs attacked her tires, flattening three of them.

Robin Barton had to summon help by cell phone on Wednesday. When the police arrived, the dogs attacked the cruiser's tire as well.

Authorities were preparing to tranquilize the dogs Judge and Justice, a Rottweiler and a pit-bull mix, before the surprised and apologetic homeowner arrived.

Stephanie Dekelbaum, the dogs' owner, called them "generally sweethearts" and blamed the attack on a tire toy the dogs had recently been given.

Top Ten Best Seinfeld Moments

And these are the kind of people who will be choosing the next leader of the free world...

It's Clinton, not Obama. No, it's Obama!

NORRISTOWN, Pa. -- Montgomery County authorities say a man stabbed his brother-in-law during an argument over who should get the Democratic nomination for president. What's more, Jose Ortiz, 28, who's charged with felony assault, is a registered Republican.

District Attorney Risa Ferman said Ortiz supports Hillary Clinton and Sean Shurelds supports Barack Obama. She told reporters Monday that the two got into an argument in a Collegeville home Thursday night and Shurelds tried to choke Ortiz. She says Ortiz then stabbed Shurelds in the abdomen.

Shurelds was taken to a hospital in critical condition, but is expected to recover.

Whaddya mean I can't order a hooker?

Apparently, employers get upset when their staff members try and order prostitutes on the premises. Who knew??

DES MOINES, Iowa -- A judge has denied an Iowa man's claim that he shouldn't have been fired for repeatedly requesting help to procure a prostitute.

Neil Jorgensen, 62, of Kalona, worked at Riverside Casino and Golf Resort in Riverside and was given a gift certificate and free night's stay at the casino hotel to mark a year's employment.

After eating and drinking at a casino restaurant, he returned to his hotel room about midnight and later called hotel managers about hiring a prostitute. When managers refused to help him, he made a call to the adjacent resort and made the same request.

"The advertisement is that it's just like Las Vegas, so I thought I was in Las Vegas," Jorgensen testified at a hearing regarding his request for unemployment benefits.

Hotel workers were sent to Jorgensen's room to ask him to stop demanding prostitutes. When they arrived at his room, Jorgensen answered the door in the nude, human resources director Tim Donovan said.

Jorgensen was fired the next day.

At the hearing, Jorgensen said his actions didn't hurt the casino, and he said he'd received strong performance reviews. He also blamed the restaurant for serving him too much alcohol.

"I was absolutely plowed," he said.

Administrative Law Judge Terence Nice turned down Jorgensen's claim for unemployment benefits.

TSA Gangstaz

A friend of a friend has this on his blog, and it's just too funny to not include here.

NSFW - Language mostly.

It's time for Germany news again

I'm not so sure I'd be very happy if I were the dog....


Police dogs get footwear

BERLIN — Police dogs in the western German city of Duesseldorf will no longer get their feet dirty when on patrol: The entire dog unit will soon be equipped with blue plastic fiber shoes, officials said Monday.

"All 20 of our police dogs — German and Belgian shepherds — are currently being trained to walk in these shoes," Andre Hartwich said. "I'm not sure they like it, but they'll have to get used to it."

The unusual footwear is not a fashion statement, Hartwich said, but rather a necessity due to the high rate of paw injuries on duty. In the city's historical old town in particular — famous for both its pubs and drunken revelers — the dogs often step into broken beer bottles, he said.

"Even the street cleaning doesn't manage to remove all the glass pieces from between the streets' cobblestones," Hartwich said, adding that the dogs frequently get injured by little pieces sticking deep in their paws.

The dogs will start wearing the shoes this spring — but only during operations that demand special foot protection. The shoes comes in sizes small, medium and large and were ordered in blue to match the officers' uniforms, Hartwich said.

"Now we just have to teach the dogs how to tie their shoes," he joked.

Playmates of the Devil

A fence bordering both Heaven and Hell was in need of repair. Hell sent Heaven a memo, stating: "Based on our extensive legal counsel, we conclude that repair of the fence is entirely Heaven's responsibility. Heaven sent a memo back, "Having no access to legal counsel, we accept responsibility."

Barack v. Hillary

New blog in the blogroll

One of my poker buddies mentioned this last night, while he was stealing my chips. It's a parody blog of the T-Mobile C.O.O., Sue Nokes. (Fake Sue Nokes)

As a former TMO gang member, I like to keep up on the goings on over there.

Check out the new blog, it's hilarious!

UPDATE

The Fake Sue Nokes blog is no longer being updated. The author has decided to put the blog on hiatus, but is leaving the blog up for viewing of historical posts.

UPDATE x2

The Fake Sue Nokes blog is back!

State of the Union

This picture says it so much better than I ever could.....

Dogs vs. Cats

From the Dog's Diary:
8:00a - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30a - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40a - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30a - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00p - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00p - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00p - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00p - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00p - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00p - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00p - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

From the Cat's Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today, decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. Had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. Was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, could hear noises and smell food. Overheard that my confinement was due to the power of allergies. Must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. Must try this again tomorrow...but at the top of the stairs.

Am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released but seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. Am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...for
now...

OMG! It's sinking!

The pier across from my office normally has cruise ships tied up there, whisking people off to Alaska during the summer months. One of these days I'll find myself on board one of those heading to our 49th state.

But today, there is another ship there, an oil tanker. It is tied up there undergoing some major repairs. The repairs of a nature that requires the removal of the propeller. You would think that this kind of thing would need to be done in a drydock, and we don't exactly have a bunch of those along this section of the waterfront.

So instead, they are using the ballast tanks to sink the bow of the ship lower in the water, which is raising the stern completely out of the water so they can access the propeller area from the dock. Very strange looking.

Today's "we don't have anything better to do" law proposal

NSFW - www.trucknutz.com

I find this product HILARIOUS and keep threatening my friends who drive trucks that I'm getting them this as a birthday gift. But be careful if you get a set and drive through Virginia

Watch what you hang from trailer hitches

RICHMOND, Va. -- Drive across Virginia with an outsized rubber replica of testicles dangling from your trailer hitch and you face a fine under a bill before the General Assembly. Delegate Lionel Spruill introduced the legislation Tuesday, saying the sight of masculine genitalia is a safety issue because it distracts drivers.

Spruill, a Democrat from Portsmouth, would make display of the ornamentation on a motor vehicle a misdemeanor punishable by a maximum fine of $250.

He says the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter had spotted the facsimile sex organs and asked her father to explain them.

The Virginia legislature has some experience with offbeat bills. Three years ago, it attracted worldwide attention for its effort to outlaw baggy pants worn so low they expose underwear.

You don't see this every day...

Wayward seal waddles onto Maine highway

TRESCOTT TOWNSHIP, Maine -- A wayward seal is back in its ocean home after making its way onto land, crossing several front yards and a horse pasture, and straddling a state highway in eastern Maine.

Motorists came across the seal Saturday morning in the middle of state Route 189 in Trescott Township in Washington County.

The animal drew the attention of several passers-by, who speculated it had crawled out of nearby Whiting Bay. When approached, the seal lumbered down an embankment and toward some woods.

After Marine Patrol Officer Russell Wright arrived, he and half a dozen others grabbed the seal by its flippers and tail and lifted it into a cage.

From there, Wright drove the animal to a boat launch and released it back into the ocean.

What is it with Germany?

Never, never spit gasoline while smoking

BERLIN -- A German man in the northeastern town of Gross Godems was being treated for serious burns Monday after accidentally setting his apartment ablaze when he mixed up a bottle of gasoline with alcohol, police said.

The 56-year-old apparently grabbed the wrong bottle and took a swig from the gasoline flask, then spat it out when he realized his mistake.

The gas hit a lit cigarette, sparking the fire, police said.

The man's name was not released.

Yeah, I wouldn't want my name released after that either.

Hillary wins US Presidency!

At least according to some 'professor' in Mexico. Would you trust this guy to predict anything??

Professor Antonio Vazquez Alba, also known as Mexico's Grand Warlock, holds up Tarot cards as he gives his traditional predictions for the new year in Mexico City, Thursday Jan. 3, 2008. Professor Vazquez Alba, who has been giving his yearly predictions since 1980, predicted for this year that Hillary Clinton will win the U.S. presidential elections and on the entertainment side, Britney Spears will commit suicide.

Buried in here is also a nugget about Britney Spears committing suicide in 2008. *YAWN* Can we go just ONE day without some "news" (and I use that term very loosely) about that trash?

This is why I don't fly Low-Cost Carriers

An expose done undercover at Ryanair out of Dublin. Very interesting stuff. Those 1 Euro fares just aren't worth it....

Netflix coming to a TV near you

This is pretty spiffy. I haven't used the 'Watch It Now' function with my Netlfix subscription, mainly because I'm not confident about the ability to successfully stream such a large file to my PC. I've tried watching a DVD on my computer, and that was barely acceptable. The small resolution, not great sound quality, etc.

But this, this is a better deal. Hopefully the boxes won't cost too much though...

Netflix movies to go directly to TV
Company to expand service through a set-top box

SAN FRANCISCO -- DVD-by-mail service Netflix Inc. will begin delivering movies and other programming directly to televisions later this year through a set-top box that will pipe entertainment over a high-speed Internet connection.

The set-top box, to be made by LG Electronics Inc. as part of a partnership announced late Wednesday, is designed to broaden the appeal of a year-old streaming service that Netflix provides to its 7 million subscribers at no additional charge.

LG Electronics didn't reveal how much the set-top box will cost when it hits the market in the summer or early autumn. Similar devices made by Apple Inc. and Vudu Inc. cost $299 to $399.

A bevy of other gadgets designed to bring more digital entertainment into living rooms is expected to be unveiled next week at a major consumer electronics show in Las Vegas.

Although Netflix says its subscribers have watched more than 10 million movies and TV episodes through its "Watch Instantly" option so far, the streaming service has been too constraining for many subscribers.

That's because all the streaming service's programming must be watched on a personal computer, unless the viewer knows how to link a high-speed Internet connection into a TV monitor.

The set-top box is supposed to serve as a bridge that will enable just about anyone with a high-speed Internet connection to plug in a few wires so they will be able to access Netflix's Watch Instantly feature on their TVs.

Subscribers will still need to use a computer to pick out which programs they're interested in streaming. The selections, culled from more than 6,000 titles available in a streaming library, will then show up on the TV screen.

"It's going to be very slick and easy," said Reed Hastings, Netflix's chief executive. "We want the TV experience to be very relaxing and not like visiting a Web site."

Depending on which subscription plan they have, Netflix customers can watch five to 48 hours of programming through the streaming service each month at no extra cost.

The LG Electronics alliance is just the first of several partnerships Netflix hopes to strike this year to extend its delivery options beyond the mail. Although he wouldn't provide specifics, Hastings listed video-game consoles and high-definition DVD players as other potential channels for Netflix.